Friday, January 20, 2012

Lesson Learned on a Mixed Prayer

Everyday, before I go to my office, I drop by the chapel to say a quick morning prayer.  Since I often feel stressed at work, the first thing that I pray is for Him to give me strength and will to go on with my job and to guide me in my everyday tasks and projects.  With all my energy focused on this hope, I would always feel better once I'm on my desk already and my days become more manageable.  It shows that God really lifts our burdens and produces miracles to make our prayers come true.

However, my mistake, I think, was this: What comes last in my quick morning prayer is for my family, to keep them safe, happy and healthy.  And to be honest, my heart usually is not really set on this prayer because my focus is on my career worries.

This new year, I promised not to be late for work because I had too many tardiness and leaves last year and I am quite worried that my attendance would affect my career.  My tardiness and absences are all because of family matters, especially when either I or my daughter was sick.  And of course, I couldn't help but to excuse myself from work if my daughter is sick because...well, I am a mother and I want to personally take care of my daughter.  Anyway, just last Wednesday, I broke my new year resolution--- I was again absent from work because my daughter suddenly had very high fever (and I didn't know why.  She was her usual self the day before).  I informed my officemates and they replied positively.  The next day, my daughter still had fever and I had to bring her to the hospital for check up (thank God it wasn't dengue.  Actually her CBC and Urinalysis tests were normal).  That was the 2nd day of my absence.  Then Friday came, she still had the fever and I was planning to take her to another doctor for second opinion.  That was the 3rd day of my absence from work.  My work colleagues didn't already reply to my texts and probably they were already pissed off because we still have a report to work on.  My conscience nagged me whether to go to work and leave my whining and crying daughter who was begging for my embrace or stay at home to take care of my daughter and get ready to be nagged by my officemates (or boss!) next week.  Obviously, I decided to be with my daughter for those 3 days.  A mother's heart is truly stronger than being a career woman.

On the afternoon of my daughter's 3rd day of being sick, her fever suddenly cooled down and she became her normal self again.  I guess she just wanted to feel secured and loved because her daddy just went abroad last week and will be back after a few months.

In this light, I learned that  no matter how much I prayed for my own self growth at workplace, if I do not put the well-being of my family first, everything that I've worked hard for will crash down.  I guess I had my prayers all mixed up.  I should first pray for my family's safety, health and happiness then other personal hopes should come next.

And of course, though I knew this all along, I would always remind myself that being a mother is a mother's main job.

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